Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
