5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
