Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
