Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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