Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he fucked my hip out of place.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
