imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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