i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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