think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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