Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
