So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
