he puts the penis in happiness.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
