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i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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