I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
