I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
