Dude my mom stole all your condoms
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
