you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
