i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
