you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
