he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
