I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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