you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
