Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
