pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
