If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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