i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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