Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
