i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
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