Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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