I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
