just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
