She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
