I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This baby is an asshole
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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