Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
