shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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