I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just had sex bonerless
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
