you traded sex for a burrito?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
