Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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