YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
