Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
