Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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