A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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