i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
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