The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
