Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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