Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
