she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
