i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
