Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
