he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
