What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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