plz talk dirty to me
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
