There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
