I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
