I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i've created a new STD.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
